There was a time when sexual health/ orientation was pretty straight forward (no pun intended). A man marries a woman, they have sex then have kids… done deal. Today there is a wide range of complexities that have been born out of people coming to realize that heterosexual relationships were not for them, or that they themselves were born into the wrong gender’s body, or have discovered interests and desires beyond the traditional ‘vanilla’ sex life one might be accustomed to, or found that having one partner alone was less than fulfilling. There is so much to consider from many different perspectives that makes today’s understanding of sex too varied to fully understand. However, sexual health crosses all borders as the concept is pretty basic and general.

The authors of this Vanderbilt paper titled Elements of Wellness offer the following description: “The sexually well person accepts his or her sexual orientation, engages in sexual relationships that are consistent with his or her values and development, and refrains from using sex to manipulate or influence others. In addition, s/he minimizes unwanted consequences through communication and protection and contributes to their overall Sexual Wellness.”

In the Vanderbilt article they caution not to attempt to establish ‘norms’ or use a definitive definition of sexual health as it might come across as exclusive and be used to label people in a judgmental fashion. Such an important consideration! They go on to remind us that sexual health is an evolutionary process spanning our whole lifetime and that ‘integrating sexuality into one’s life in a balanced way is a life-time endeavor’. Anyone who found themselves experiencing a promiscuous youth can agree to that one!

According to the WHO sexual health is ‘a state of physical, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.’

Self respect, and the respect of our partners, is foundational in sexual well-being. How that is broken down & detailed can look a multitude of ways, way too many to fit into one post. Here we will stick to some basics.

First let’s talk about how balance is necessary. There has been debate in the mental health field on whether or not sex addiction is actually a real thing however maybe we can agree that anything that consumes us to the point of being fixated, impulsive and compulsive to the detriment of health, productivity, & happiness if it’s not achieved could be seen as a potential problem. In respecting oneself we might say that it begins with maintaining our course when faced with such a 'feel good’ temptation. Like anything that gives us an escape or an endorphin rush we may seek it more than might be beneficial. Being able to recognize & readjust if and when this occurs is vital.

Honoring our sexuality requires our ability to be in loving relationship with our own bodies as well as knowing and following our truth when it comes to our sexual desires. Of course this is respectfully done without harm to self or others. When one is unable to do so without experiencing a sense of shame there are likely deep underlying wounds needing to be unearthed and healed.

Knowing your own limits, preferences and orientation then standing by them in a sexual relationship is huge when striving for sexual wellness, as is inquiring about and respecting the boundaries, preferences and orientations of our partners. Of course the open dialogue leading to having those vital aspects out in the open requires mutual trust which is key in a healthy intimate relationship. If this feels difficult and uncomfortable it is worth exploring for the sake of one’s own sexual liberation.

Physical relations are inextricably linked to emotional wellness. The act of sex should produce a sense of well-being and inspire vulnerability & a keen exploration into the desires of your partner. Regardless if your partner is someone you’ve developed a long, deep relationship with or even someone you are having a brief affair with there is the absolute possibility to engage in a meaningful, nurturing sexual encounter where you both feel cared for and your needs attended to.

That last bit about brief encounters I know goes against traditional upbringing however I hope you can be open to the perspective and see the opportunity presented to make every intimate experience sacred. We have come a long way from the ideas that dictated cardinal knowledge of another is only okay when it’s it’s with ones spouse. Prior to religious views shaming out of wed lock love making, sexual intercourse was taught to be sacred no matter the consenting adult you were sharing it with. As is seen presently sex has become somewhat of a past time and now a days ensuring sexual compatibility is also an important part of choosing one’s partner. With both statements ringing true it could all be seen in a different light if these acts, and the people we share them with, were given the reverence they deserve. Again, this could very well add to a person’s sexual well-being.

To sum up, sexual wellness embodies strong self-esteem, self-worth, and self-acceptance surrounding sexuality. It requires trust, vulnerability, and respect as well as a deep interest in connecting with your partner on not only a physical level but also on spiritual and emotional levels.

How was it reading through this post? Did it bring up any triggers for you? Did you notice any areas of sexual wellness you would like to address? Please know that this too is a topic open for discussion in the nurturing, accepting, non-judgemental realm of WayFinder Wisdom.

With you on the journey!