The Prostitute: an Archetype

Introduction to the Word "Archetype"

Let’s begin this exploration with a brief introduction to the word archetype. Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung first introduced the idea of archetypes, which refers to what he identified as innate patterns of thought and behavior that strive for realization within an individual's environment. (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jungian_archetypes) These often unconscious ways of being generally stem from one's desire to survive and thrive in life. They can be further understood by looking deeper into mythical and archetypal patterns seen throughout history.

Understanding the Prostitute Archetype

Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. When you read the word prostitute, what are the thoughts, images, or feelings that spring to life in you? For most, I would imagine there is a tinge of judgment, disgust, and shame that accompanies whatever is experienced. Society has put the term, and all that goes with it, in a deep shroud of shame, so it would make absolute sense.

Defining the term Prostitute

So, what is a prostitute really? It’s expected for that term to have a very specific sexual connotation. However, in a broader sense, the term refers to anyone bartering power. In Susanna Barlow’s blog Understanding the Prostitute Archetype, she puts it simply as “I will give you this, for that.” This trade can be conscious or unconscious. For example, recently I found myself invited to explore the great Pacific Ocean through my passion for sailing. The owner of the boat provided a sound, sturdy, dare I say luxurious vessel along with his strong competence. Fantastic! All of those attributes are definitely what I seek out for safe sailing. What I discovered within days of showing up early to help get the boat ready was that the environment I'd be working in was one where I would mostly feel criticized, dismissed, talked down to, and really unappreciated by a hyper type A personality found in a man not living his own dream but rather in the shadows of his father, an accomplished world sailor. All this added up to disaster in the making. (Can any of you relate to any of this???)

A Challenging Journey

Initially, I recognized how stressful it is to prepare a boat for a month's journey across an open ocean full of potentially hazardous weather patterns and other mishaps, all while finding yourself hundreds, THOUSANDS of miles offshore. For this, I did my best to have grace and empathy for the less-than-ideal situation. I counted my blessings and worked to keep my defenses at bay. I certainly still had doubts that this would be a kind, relaxed boat and an enjoyable sail across the Pacific. But still, I stayed. I'm kinda loyal to a fault when I commit to something, AND I wasn't sure I'd find another suitable boat. (Does this sound familiar?)

A Lesson Learned

By the time I had quite enough, we were 4+ months in. For those 18 long weeks, I subjected myself to a person who tended towards complaining, criticism, and condescension, topped off with a huge lack of consideration. It began to f*#k with my joy in a big way, creating doubt for me in my sailing ability and general capability. No bueno! Luckily, I had 'faith in myself' reserves, so no real damage was done. I remembered one of my favorite sayings, 'Don't trust your reflection in a broken mirror,' then began to understand that how he treated me had nothing to do with me. My staying in this situation was, however, all me.

Was It Worth It?

So, the question now is, 'Was it worth it?' This answer can only be mine. Here’s how I see it. I have a new experience filled with wonder and adventure. I've swum with manta rays, sharks, octopus, thousands of colorful fish, whales, all in warm, clear water. I've gotten to enjoy several new cultures, meet many kind, gregarious people, and practice different languages. All of this while on a beautiful, safe sailboat. There is so much to be grateful for, but again, was it worth it? I'm going to say YES! And yet, I know there are kinder environments that can afford me similar awesome encounters. What this means to me is I also got the opportunity to practice what a good friend calls vulnerable self-respect. Would I do it all again? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I will be loyal to myself first and foremost and exercise the trust that would see me stepping off of one seemingly good enough thing to find something way better.

Reflecting on Experiences

Reading this story, can you identify any time or situation where you gave up a value or standard in order to have what you needed? Did you/do you feel judgment from yourself or others over this scenario? What did you gain or learn, and was it worth it to you? These are important questions to reflect on. In the words of John Dewey,

"We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience."

To Conclude

When you find yourself in a situation that feels contrary to your own values and standards try to stay off the fast train to self judgement, shame, & blame. To say that whatever was a waste of time and energy is to dismiss all that you’ve gained from your experience, even if it’s the opportunity to stand up for yourself. In order to honor the scenario you can reflect back with curiosity, grace, and acceptance. Sometimes this feels quite difficult to get to when bombarded with habitual negative self talk stemming from embedded stories created throughout your lifetime. This is where coaching/ counseling comes in handy. Having a trusted objective person reflecting for you a different possibility you can begin seeing the growth potential, freeing yourself up to a more loving & kind relationship with self & others.

When you are Ready…

Schedule a session and I will be there to help you find your way.

With you on the journey,

Cheryl