We are our biggest hurdle when it comes to owning our own empowerment. It could be in the way we are continually playing a familiar role not understanding how it rips the empowerment rug right out from under us, or by buying into the disempowering ways we are approached by others.

Either way we have an out!!! We have the power to change our ways of thinking and being in order to make way for something more.

The Trauma Triangle, or the Triangle of Disempowerment, lays out the roles of behavior that keep us trapped in perpetual disempowerment.

I can’t imagine any of you looking at those labels and wanting to identify with any one of them and yet each of us might just find ourselves taking on any or all of these three forms at some point in time. Now the how we came to find ourselves in any of these situations or roles is going to be as unique and complex as we are. Unfolding that story & uncovering habitual disempowering patterns is a journey in and of itself. However, learning to recognize these patterns can be started immediately. Let’s dig in.

Victim

The label of victim is one that’s been making the rounds in the self-improvement realm for some time.

Get this…

you can be victimized without actually taking on the role of the victim!

Feeling victimized takes on a whole different sense & form from than that of leaning into & being a victim.

When someone transgresses upon you yes, you have truly been victimized however the feeling of helplessness isn’t a required addition. When transgression occurs you don’t have to succumb to the idea that the world is against you and you are the target for every bad thing happening in your orbit. An often accurate description of how people portray themselves both in their own head and to the community at large is one of, “poor me! I’ve done nothing to deserve this. It’s always happening to me and there's nothing I can do.” These people feel powerless in their own lives not seeing the possibilities surrounding them. There is also the sense of their dream being lost or denied due to their unworthiness, and a common thought process might be “I don’t get to have ____ or do ____”

Persecutor

Now, every victim has to have a persecutor. Again, there is the actual persecutor and then the perceived persecutor. Of course anyone who victimizes another stands in the label persecutor fully. Outside of this literal scenario is going to be an adaptive response someone develops in effort to avoid ever feeling the victim. This perpetrator, the one reacting, will always be on the ready to fight, or flee. For this roll the problem dominates all, blame is projected out, and he or she tears down any and all who pose a threat. The primary way of thinking is, “It’s not me, it’s you!”

Rescuer

Then you have the heroic rescuer. This person jumps to the aid of the victim, to include standing up to the persecutor. This is where the rescuer derives their purpose & worthiness. Often times the rescuer avoids looking into their own healing by preoccupying themselves with the saving of others. This rescuer role can go so far as to obtain martyrdom when they sacrifice their own dreams and goals to save the victim. The rescuer buys in to ones on self-perception of “poor me” and colludes by thinking, “poor you”. This rescuer is the pain reliever for others and needs to be needed. They often project the energy of, “you can’t do it without me.”

It’s important to recognize that these are not conscious ways of being. Somewhere along the line these roles were taught, and adopted, as a way of survival. For instance, say you were raised by a helicopter mom or dad. They were constantly there to make sure you never felt pain, never found your way to any sort of risk, and constantly solved your problems. This could very well have been a rescuer / victim dynamic that was ingrained into your programming from the moment you began to crawl or exert independence. Of course the parent is truly only wanting to keep their baby safe. Who could, or would, ever blame them??? But, at some point, the parent has to back off and allow the child to experience the pain of falling down then sit back patiently while they work to right themselves. This begins building independence and self-reliance. If too identified as the rescuer, or the archetype of the parent, mom or dad may have a very difficult time letting go. All the while the child is being told, “only with my help can you survive life.” Can you see where this is potentially going? Can anyone recall their teenage years and the power struggle that ensued when we were trying on being an adult?

Conversely, you could have also been taught that ‘only the strong survive’ and the only place to be is at the very tippy top of the food chain. Here you could have learned to dominate and manipulate for your own best interests. Again, there is nothing wrong with being taught to stand as a strong, successful, 'top of the world' human. At the end of the day it's all about how you got there, and how you felt in the process (empowered or disempowered).

These behaviors are generally found running the show from behind the curtain of awareness. It’s only when we catch a glimpse of an outside perspective revealed in our relational ways of being can we begin to heal our modus operandi. You are not your patterns or your training. You have a choice!

Here's the kicker... when you are embodying any of the roles on this triangle you are actively seeking out and engaging in relationships based on co-dependency! Each of these personality types requires the other ones in order to be active. There is no victim without a persecutor, there is no rescuer without a victim to be saved. Most of us, me included, cringe at the idea of being in a co-dependent relationship. Let’s not go there and instead stay focused on how we can grow into a more empowered individual.

Here is your invitation to open your awareness and discover which corner of the triangle you trend towards when you are feeling unsafe. I encourage you to practice grace and curiosity when seeking out this information. Be your own nonjudgemental best friend.

And remember, I am here to chat about it...

With you on the journey,

Cheryl

WayFinder Wisdom

In other words... Here is an article I found that articulates this concept with complementary information ~ Click ~

Perpetual Disempowerment - What's your role?