Feeling Like a Fake? Let’s fix that…
In our last article we talked about how this imposter syndrome club is not an exclusive one but rather a decidedly inclusive one with some pretty prestigious members. This struggle is so prevalent in our society that I located articles on it in the Harvard Business Review, in the New York Times, and even discovered an Imposter Syndrome Institute. Now that should tell you something!
Valerie Young Ed.D, co-founder of the Imposter Syndrome Institute, listed 10 strategies on overcoming those insidious hurdles keeping you for claiming your awesomeness. Here’s our take on those:
Fess up to your feelings. Don’t let the shame monster keeping you from speaking out and naming what’s going on in your head. Acknowledging that you are a card carrying member of the IS club can liberate you, and connect you to others so you know you are not alone.
Separate fact from fiction (feelings). Just because you feel a certain way doesn’t make it true (i.e. feeling stupid doesn’t mean you are stupid). Feelings have a way of hijacking the truth and spinning it to support an underlying belief. Sorting the situation into what is a feeling and what is a fact will help regain your footing while you work to dismantle a debilitating belief.
Recognize the set up. There are certain conditions that will have you pioneering into unknown territory such as being the first of your gender, age, color, ability or other ‘otherness’ to do something extraordinary. This can have you naturally feeling out of your depth. Don’t buy into the self-doubt! Navigating those uncharted waters can be scary for anyone, you included. That fear doesn’t make you ill equipped or incapable.
Stay focused on the positive. Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative. Spin that silver lining then place it in to every step you take on the road. Since thoughts and words are energetically charged to either support or negate you it would be wise to spend that energy seeking out the ways
Embrace your mistakes. Own your status as a perfectly imperfect human who makes mistakes. Instead of seeing this as proof of your ineptness take it instead as information gathering on what not to do. With this feedback move forward with the lesson that keeps you from making the same mistake twice. Yeah, we all know sometimes it takes three or four times. Still extend yourself some grace and keep working to right the wrong.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself. We get programmed with certain rules or beliefs that create huge stumbling blocks for our progress. Nagging beliefs such as “I’ve got to get this perfect”, “Asking for help is a sign of weakness”, “It’s on up to me” will certainly set you up for a healthy dose of non productive stress and pressure. What would you say if your a member of your tribe thought such things?
Change your narrative. Don’t let the stories in your mind run you over the cliff! No matter what you have convinced yourself of you can write a new narrative. What would you rather believe; a story where you are inept or one in which you are the capable hero or heroine of your own life? The trick to this is investigating all the ways you think or talk about yourself in a dismissive or negative way then cancel it out completely replacing it with a more supportive story. You can both own the ways you want to/ need to grow and improve, even the ways your messed something up, while also acknowledging how much effort and ability it has taken to get up and face the day.
Envision your success. Engage your imagination and don’t hold back. Take time to formulate what it is you want for your future and begin to dream it up. You can even create a representation of that dream in the form of a vision board or slideshow containing all the aspects of success you hope to achieve. On a regular basis sit for 10-15 minutes or more to commune with this dream. See it in your minds eye, down to the smallest detail, as if it’s what you are experiencing in that very moment. Feel all the feels you imagine would accompany that success. Feels good, doesn’t it?!?
Pat yourself on the back. No one wants to come across as arrogant, right? Rewarding yourself for your successes is no where near that! The only other scenarios would be to either 1) rely on external validation or 2) never be validated. Neither of those options sound too appealing. By making the effort to celebrate yourself you’ve tapped into that inner ‘proud parent’ that encourages you to keep up the good work. How motivating is that??? Be your own cheerleader, your own best friend and reward yourself for those accomplishments.
Fly by the seat of your pants and enjoy the ride. Although faking it until you make it could seem counter to building your confidence in your own ability maybe consider this… only when you trust yourself to learn, comprehend and do what needs to be done will you take the leap into the unknown. So what if you are not an expert in a certain area before diving in? Having faith in yourself to commit, figure it out, ask for help, and do the work empowers you to take on and crush new endeavors and then, the sky is most certainly the only limit!
The great thing with a label or diagnosis is that it can give people relief knowing there are others. Having a whole institute designated to researching and providing a way out, even better! The downside is that labels & diagnosis can be hard to wiggle out from under. Those of you who fit under this label, remember that you are so much more than this label.
~ WayFinder Wisdom ~
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