Feeling Like a Fake?
Welcome to the not so exclusive club!
What if I told you that some of the most successful people, people who answer to household names such as Serena Williams, Tina Fey, and even Albert Einstein have admitted to having imposters syndrome??? From an outside point of view we are able to easily identify the contributions these three have made to their respective fields but yet they themselves struggle/d to own their impressive achievements. So, why is that? Good question.
Recently I got to speak with a lovely friend just a few months after she summited Mt Everest.. Mt EVEREST!!! Thoughts such as “well, it couldn’t have been that hard if I did it” flowed through her mind. She was diminishing her badassery by not seeing the magnitude of this achievement or owning what she put in to accomplishing it. This felt familiar to me. Back in my early 20’s I completed basic training for the US Army. On the other side of those 8 weeks filled with intense training under challenging conditions people would ask me, “how was it?”. I would answer saying pretty much the same thing as my friend who braved the 12.5 miles (20 km) climb from base camp with an elevation gain of 11,430 ft in an oxygen poor yet supplemented environment, not to mention with seriously cold conditions that earned her a view from the top of the world. I don’t know about you but this blows my mind! How could anyone not fully own this feat when you become a member of an elite group of only 635 women to ever have touched this prestigious peak? Well, that’s the way it sometimes goes so let’s chat about it.
First let’s get an idea on what thoughts, behaviors, and characteristics accompany imposters syndrome:
An impressive list of accomplishments and successes, by any standard
Tendency to dismiss achievements as luck, working harder than most, mistake, or due to someone else’s support or efforts
Workaholic behaviors
Praising others accomplishments while underestimating your own
Inclination to never be satisfied with a final product, aka perfectionism
No intrinsic feelings of success
Not owning ones own intelligence
Over working to combat feelings of inadequacy
Fear of being found out as a fraud
Wow! Who can relate to any or all of these? When reading over this list do you find yourself feeling empathetic for everyone who might experience these but leaving yourself out of that empathy? Sometimes we forget to be our own best friend. Consider this your reminder.
Before digging into the ‘why’s’ let’s get one thing straight; imposter syndrome IS NOT a psychological disorder. It is a learned, conditioned response that may have actually been established as a survival technique created during the important developmental stages of your younger years. 3 typical situations that contribute to us being wired to undervalue our own triumphs are:
Being the ‘smart’ one of the group, no studying required! With things seemingly coming very easy to the ‘smart’ one anytime they are faced with a true challenge requiring extra effort it can be perceived as proof that they are, in fact, not smart.
Or, you’ve been taught that only through hard work can one find true success or accomplishment. If it felt easy to you, or it didn’t kill you, it wasn’t that big of a deal in the first place.
Maybe you didn’t get support or acknowledgment from your primary care providers. All of your accomplishments were for survival instead of accolades. You’ve grown accustomed to turning a blind eye to any accolade or acknowledgement, stuffing feelings of success down deep because survival is the main goal.
Did you feel any familiarity when you read through these? Any flash backs to childhood feels?
It’s possible that we’ve been hard wired with subversive thoughts and feelings that have created a mental American Ninja Warrior obstacle course in our brains keeping us from truly feeling pride in ourselves and our successes. Imposter Syndrome, like an American Ninja Warrior course, in order to successfully navigate the obstacles takes commitment, consistent training, and a belief in our ability to conquer the task.
In the follow up article we will discuss how to handle Imposter Syndrome. Bring on the healing!
With you on the Journey,
Cheryl
@ WayFinder Wisdom
This blog hitting a cord with you? Let’s chat about it…